Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)

635. Etches of Unfairness

The doors of the Floor of Judgement sealed with a colossal thud. Frost led Michaela deeper into her own domain, her back turned to the Arbiter. She did not need to ask what Frost was thinking right now.

Her body language and her quick but silent strides told Michaela everything she needed to know, and for that reason, she finally stopped pursuing Frost precisely when she also came to an abrupt pause.

The sudden silence of their clopping steps stirred unease into the Nexus as a whole. There was much Frost wanted to unbottle right now. Her fists curled as she desperately held herself together to avoid exploding with accusations.

So, with her back still turned to Micheala, she calmly spoke.

“Why was it so hard to tell me the truth?”

She didn’t ask about ‘Her’, Iscario, the Princess, or about her tragic past.

No. Right now, Frost just wanted to know the reason why all of this had to be gated away from her.

“It was for your own good.”

The Arbiter wore a somber expression, her grand feathers shuddering, as did the ones on Frost’s Coat of Prejudice. Sincerity was carried by voice, but Frost did not accept this as a reasonable answer.

“Was staying cooped up in your Floor for my own good as well?” Her words were like a knife that was plunged into the chest of the Arbiter.

She further twisted it.

“Remind me, you were only blind when I first arrived in this world. Nothing else was wrong with you. Hell, you slaughtered the Exalted the moment you became an Archetype. For fifteen years this Nexus only saw one change, and that was your introduction of the Arbiter’s Trumpet. I shrugged it off because it didn’t matter to me. The past is the past. But hearing you tell me that this – this fucking silence was for my own good makes me wonder if it was your intention to let Iscario send me to Grandis.”

Her words were filled with doubt.

Frost didn’t believe it per say, as it was the Arbiter who ultimately saved her in the end from her Corruption Event. However, she let her mouth run regardless, spewing vitriol as she turned on her heels to face the Arbiter with orbs of light for eyes.

“Michaela. If this really was for my own good, then how did you allow your own son to betray the Nexus? To nearly kill me of all people? Was that also for my own good?”

Michaela’s expression didn’t change. But her solemn eyes carried untold regret. Her authority as the Arbiter didn’t falter even in the face of such accusations or emotions, unlike Frost who was swept away by it.

“Seeds of doubt would have been sown if you knew that it was my own flesh and blood that betrayed you. Long before this shared moment. It never crossed my mind that my Iscario would have partnered with Uriel and the Broken Torn. In retrospect, it was foolish. That child was raised on her teachings, masked as my own like the denizens of Paradise.”

Suddenly, a dark expression befell Frost.

“Then if I were to drag Iscario in front of you like a beaten dog... If I were to slit his throat and parade his head across your floor, and paint your walls red with his entrails – then would you stand in my way?”

“I will not.” Michaela announced. “All things must be judged accordingly. Not even I am immune to the weight of my sins. Frost. My pride has cost me eons of desperate attempts to hold something that was once tangible. At some point I learned that the flow of this turbulent sea is not a current that even a Star or a God can contest. Rouge waves will come. And they will remind us of the unfortunate cycles we are bound to.”

“Unfortunate? Don’t make laugh. You keep telling me it’s for my own good, but you throw words like ‘it can’t be helped’ and ‘in due time’ when you were always more than capable of answering. To do something… Of course nothing is going to change. Michaela!”

Frost approached the Archetype, both hands grasping onto her sacred garbs like a thug.

“Why have you given up!? Wasn’t it you who shoved Anna in the right direction!? So that she can a stand for herself!? What’s the point of giving advice if you yourself refuse to be an example of it!?”

“… The difference between her and I, as you have already seen, is that the root cause of this was because of my selfishness. The moment I decided to dabble in mankind as a God to bring ‘Her’ back began a miserable apocalyptic Cycle. Thousands of years… Millions seeking for an outcome different from the last.”

Micheala’s voice deepened; her eyes enraptured with emotion. The Floor of Judgement dimmed as if in response to her rising Emotional State. The untouchable, emphatic light of a Star hailed in the past as the equivalent of a God did not possess such a holy light. Shadows lingered even when the light returned to its full luminosity; a reminder of the past that heavily haunted her at every waking hour.

“Anna’s woes came from her unchanging reality because of the lack of courage. Mine… stems from my own pride to go against the crashing waves. How they clip the feathers of a bird… When a bird flies across an expansive sea with no place to rest, those waves that claim all will inevitably swallow them whole. My resolution was to refrain from interference. It has only brought unnecessary suffering.”

“Then why did you help me when I Corrupted!?”

Michaela’s expression softened. She didn’t need to think about why. But when she did, no answer came to her.

“I felt that it would be a shame to let you go.”

“Because I’m ‘Her’. Is that why? I’m just like your daughter?”

“… Hm.”

“Why… won’t you answer me!?”

The Arbiter’s hand rose to touch Frost’s trembling hands.

But she suddenly hesitated and returned them to her sides.

“It is true. You have always looked like her. All of you stem from the same ‘Her’ so long ago. My fear was that if you found out the truth of your beginnings, then you would have lost your sense of belonging in this world…

… I was afraid that you would have met the same fate as my own child.”

Frost threw herself away, revolted by this.

“Do you not know the reason why she went so far to save Paradise?”

“She shouldered the weight of countless sins on her own. She blamed herself for the ruin of Paradise. Galia had her feed me the Apple to begin my Corruption. To rid Paradise once and for all. My child was destined to be swallowed by the flow of the unstoppable river. How could there be any option than to destroy the false Paradise I’ve painstakingly built for her? How could I allow the next iteration of ‘Her’ to be subjected to such hell?”

“Is that not what you let happen to me? All because you thought it was also for my own good? I know it’s not as simple as Corrupting because of finding out the truth of whatever the fuck I am…”

Frost murmured, thrusting her hand into her Dimensional Storage. At the same time, the patters of another person could be heard. Anna and Galia were present within the Floor of Judgement, but Frost did not notice them.

All her senses were focused solely on the Arbiter.

“I’m vaguely aware of what else lies out there. That the Corrupted we face are only the tip of the iceberg of this ocean of madness. But I’m not like you. I want things to change. I won’t die like your daughter for the sake of others, because I refuse to believe that I did anything wrong. Why should we have to be bound to the belief that existing is wrong? Your daughter was weighed down by sins belonging to others to save this world. But these Cycles…”

Suddenly, Frost paused for a split second as she drew the pale scabbard from her Dimensional Storage. Michaela could not utter a single word. Neither could Galia as her jaw lightly dropped. A miracle unfolded before them.

Because what was held in Frost’s hand was the essence of a person that was already gone.

“… Claimed the life of another ‘Her’. I saw what happened. I know what you both wanted. The root cause of so many things was because you and her couldn’t speak how you felt. So your daughter believed that you despised her. That she was the reason why you were what you were. You’re the same. You believed that the reason why she must suffer is because of you.”

Frost’s mood lightened despite her heavy words. The Nexus did not shake anymore. Her emotions had simmered down after venting everything in her heart. Michaela silently stared at the scabbard; her eyes wide in disbelief as she reached out to touch it.

“… Retrocausality. You…”

Then, she retracted her hand again.

“… should not have done that.”

Silence instantly invaded the Floor of Judgement. Frost’s expression went blank as her mind became disconnected with reality once again. Surely, she heard wrong. Yes.

There is no reality where the Arbiter, the mother of the Princess, would tell her that it was all meaningless.

“Michaela. This is your daughter. From the past. Why… are you refusing her…?”

“Fear not. It is not that I am refusing her. It is that…” Michaela did not know how to articulate her emotions. “… I feel immense sorrow when I look at it. I know that I will only hurt that one even when cradled in my arms. The symbol of a blade best suits her. A scabbard implies union.”

Something deep within Frost’s heart cracked.

“I know best that the relationship between her and I… cannot be described as a pact, but as a double-edged sword. When I embrace her, I expect to be cut up by the thorns of the Captured Star.

Hm. It’s unfortunate. As with all things. Nothing can be true to the original. Aside from you. That hair… carries remnants of the truest aspects of ‘Her’, beyond the time of the Captured Star.”

The crack travelled through her chest like it was being carved by a dull blade. Her sense of reality wavered, the world distorting heavily as her mind fell in a deep, dark pit far away from the light of the Floor of Judgement.

“… Is that what you think of me?”

The Nexus quaked unexpectedly.

//////// < WARNING > ////////

< Your Emotional State is rapidly rising >

< Unfair Tale is attempting to manifest as the First State >

//////// < EXTREME WARNING > ////////

< INSTABILITY IMMINENT >