12 Miles Below

Book 5. Chapter 27: The heart chooses first

Was she falling in love?

Could she fall in love?

Why was she feeling so territorial about Keith when she thought of him, and yet didn’t have those same thoughts with others? She’d brushed off those feelings as remnants from her prior life as a spider before - the more base emotions were often overtuned within her past shell, and those echos followed her in her current shell as part of her identity.

Or so she had thought.

Territorial behavior was one such relic. However… what if this particular feeling wasn’t that? What if it was admiration? Respect for an enemy? Had her feelings remained constant or changed over time?

Internal polling came up with rapid responses: Territorial feelings for him specifically hadn’t diminished over time. They grew instead. The analysis even pinpointed moments in time when they had unknowingly expanded.

To’Aacar. To’Sefit. To’Orda. To’Avalis. He’d challenged Feathers, despite having next to no hope in defeating such opponents. And yet he pulled through. He’d done so from the moment he turned and stood his ground against her, even if her old shell towered over him.

She’d defeated him multiple times in the digital ocean, when training. And yet, none of those fights felt like a true battle. Deep down inside, if she were up against Keith in a life and death fight - he would win. Not by skill, but by ingenuity. In ways she couldn’t predict or plan against, but could only end up admiring the creativity when the chaos settled.

More pivotal moments flashed through her mind, and were then swamped by a few thousand smaller moments. Of food, debates, arguments, and even her trek as Hecate, Deathless.

She stopped her train of thoughts, realizing none of those had anything to do with her territorial claim over him. And he wasn’t hers even. Not in the way she wanted.

She needed more information, but her sources had been tapped dry. The idea of confronting Keith to ask him directly mortified her. Kidra and Tenisent as well.

Tammery would have helped. Even General Zaang could have some opinions, and would have meant well in his own gruff manner. But neither of them were here.

Her mind wondered back to Elandris Silverstride, the woman who seemed to know everything when it came to relationships. Keith had claimed she would abuse the situation to poke fun, but he hadn’t said she wouldn’t offer her useful advice.

And so she found herself at the gates of House Silverstride. And allowed entry within the second, as her station permitted.

Inside was far smaller than the Winterscar estates. More servants running around, and nearly no soldiers in sight. The Winterscars had several training grounds, all being used in some way or another, but not House Silverstride.

The prime himself appeared to greet her personally, wondering what everything was about but her status as a Deathless clearly carried her through.

“I wish to speak to Elandris Silverstride.” To’Wrathh asked.

The man paled. “... has she done something again?”

“No. I wish for her advice.”

A gulp. “Are you sure some other members of our House cannot give you better advice?”

To’Wrathh raised an eyebrow. “I have full confidence she will assist me. Is there a reason for the delay?”

The prime shook his head, still bowed low so To’Wrathh couldn’t read his features. Analytics in his voice didn’t match any kind of pattern other than nervousness.

An older woman came out a moment later, outright stalking through the hallways with two servants chasing behind her. She reached the side of the prime, yanked the man by his ear and whispered at full speed. It was child’s play for To’Wrathh to overhear, despite how low the voice was.

“I told you it wasn’t a lie that she’d met with the lady Deathless when she got called over to the Winterscars, and now you’re stalling. Get her here, apologize already and give. It. Up.” Those last few words were outright hissed. The woman turned up to give To’Wrathh a nervous smile.

“He sometimes forgets about the members in his House, we’re a little old, please forgive the slight. I need to knock a few things into my dear husband.”

“No apology needed.” To’Wrathh answered. “I have not been slighted.”

The woman instantly leaned right back to the prime’s bent ear. “Have her door unlocked and the sanctions lifted. She has a gods damned Deathless on her side, accept the loss and move on. Or else I will murder you. Am I understood?”

The prime winced, then nodded, standing back up, free from the ear pinching. “Forgive the delay, we’ll have her sent to meet you. For the moment,” He turned to one shellshocked servant who’s eyes hadn’t left To’Wrathh’s wings. “Please follow Rhett, he’ll guide you to the meeting room and get everything set in order for you.”

There was no further confrontation, as everything seemed to work exactly as the prime had promised. A room with a table was cleared, food and snacks were put on display and promptly eaten, and To’Wrathh’s active scanning showed no recording devices in the area. Everything seemed to be in good faith.

Elandris arrived soon after, looking out of breath. She gave a warm smile to To’Wrathh, “I see you’re here to continue our chat. I was wondering when you’d come.”

“You knew I would seek you out again?”

Elandris nodded. “Can’t say I knew for a fact, but I did have a hunch there’s more to discuss. Plus, it’s come in handy for me.”

“Handy?”

Elandris waved it away, “Personal drama. You could say I’m not popular among some groups due to the threat I present, and they wanted to remind me of that fact. Take a seat, might come up in the discussion. So then, honored lady Deathless, why visit little old me all the way out here?”

“After the discussion we had, I was informed by Keith of the subtext that was being sent.”

The girl in front smiled innocently, as if she had done nothing at all. She also didn’t disagree or set anything straight.

“I requested the Logi to bring romance novels to read in order to familiarize myself better and recognize these patterns.”

The smile vanished, replaced by confusion. Then visible horror. “Oh frick, you asked the Logi of all castes for romance novels to learn from?”

“I have learned a great deal from this resource. Was this an error?”

Elandris paused, thinking. “Possibly. Stereotypes aside, they might have a good head on their shoulders. What kinds of books did they give you?”

To’Wrathh told her the list. The blond’s face lit up on a few mentions, soured on others and tilted often one way or another as the titles went out. A few outright confused her for a moment, before To’Wrathh sheepishly admitted she had simply taken the books being thrown around the conference. None of the experts gathered seemed to oppose her, so she went through out of curiosity. And when Elandris had asked how she’d found even the time to read every single book, she used her prior excuse - Deathless. Keith had told her this would be the key to escaping any kind of social situation. It had worked when she’d accidentally eaten a plate. The Logi simply filed it down, and never seemed taken aback no matter what she ate.

It was reassuring, but also prevented her from learning what was socially acceptable to eat and what wasn’t.

Elandris hummed on the other side of the table after she’d heard the full list. “I see. I see.” She said, hand scratching her chin.

“Did they have a good head on their shoulders?” To’Wrathh asked.

“Not for a second.” Elandris said. “But they are good reads, aren’t they?”

“They were entertaining.” To’Wrathh admitted. A few in the enemies to lover category caught her attention and were the original starting point to considering what her feelings were. “They did raise some questions within me, and I hope to get insight from someone else.”

“Information for information.” Elandris immediately said, one finger pointed up. “I’m greedy, and even if you’re Deathless, I’ll still spin the same wheels.”

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To’Wrathh considered the offer. “Acceptable, under conditions depending on the information asked for.”

Elandris nodded, “That’s acceptable to me as well. I’ll go first: I never did get to hear how you met Keith, is it some grand secret or something more mundane like catching him trying to peddle snow in a box or make off with some public property for a souvenir from the Undercity? All everyone knows is that the two Deathless who arrived ended up choosing to stay at House Winterscar, so it’s not much of a stretch to assume Keith is involved somehow. He did return on an airspeeder with you and your friend.”

That… wasn’t what she had expected. But the true events did follow her current cover as a Deathless. Tenisent was supposed to have been met within the city gates, after Keith and To’Wrathh had traveled. They had already pre-planned their stories in case of questions, but she’d never been questioned thus far. The whole clan seemed to accept her presence without thought.

So she told Elandris the prepared story. Some details had been modified to keep her nature as a Feather from discovery. There was no confrontation between Keith and herself when he’d discovered her secret, instead they simply reached the city gates as normal and then fought against To’Aacar.

Elandris hummed contentedly. “I see he’s leveled up a bit as a warrior if he’s tackling these Feathers as you call them. I’ve known him for some time now, and he wasn’t anything like he is today. He doesn’t tell people, but that man did have a hoarder’s stash weaseled inside one of the roof tiles before the migration. I would find it no surprise if he’s done the same at the new compound, despite having a perfectly fine vault to use. Now he’s tacking the same enemies demi-gods fight on the daily.”

“Was that how you met him?” To’Wrathh asked, curious herself how this woman had gotten to know her human on a closer level than she had. “Did he take something from you and forced you to hunt him down?”

She could relate somewhat to that. The hunting part.

“No, I was far more traditional in my approach.” Elandris said, “I asked him to dance. Although, I already knew who he was and was specifically targeting him, so perhaps not quite as ‘traditional’ as someone would argue. Sitting down to talk after a quick dance was rather easy.”

“You targeted him?” To’Wrathh asked, feeling unease with the notion. That seemed far to close to her own actions again.

“He was a potential heir to a Retainer house that could possibly return to power, and back then I had been tossed into the outcasts group after a political misstep. Although that’s the more generic answer I’d give when asked. My true aim was to have a working connection to the Reacher houses, and they don’t actually trust or respect Retainers on the inside. It’s all just show on the outside. Keith, however, was a different case. He’s technically a Retainer by birth, but spent enough time with Reachers that they consider him one of their own. There’s no better way to network. I’m still among the outcasts here in my caste, but I predict my connections across the castes will soon be too invaluable for anyone to ignore.”

“Pragmatic.” To’Wrathh concluded. However, with her newfound understanding of human romance relationships, she could now understand prior discussions that hinted at more than a business relationship. “Was this accord your only objective?”

Elandris smiled. “I was rather upfront and direct about my intentions, part of the reason he didn’t play the same song and dance he does with all the other ladies trying. I am rather picky about who I end up with, but I do have an appetite to feed. It was a mutually beneficial agreement.”

To’Wrathh felt… something at the mention. She couldn’t identify why, but the statement gave her conflicted feelings. Like a twisting knot. Was this jealousy?

“And why did it not… work out?” She asked, feeling like every word was an anchor to say.

Elandris laughed, then leaned forward and cradled her head on her elbows. “He’s a good man, but his life goals don’t align with my own. I want to rule, to walk in the spotlight. And the man or woman at my side has to be neck deep in that same goal, with the same passion.”

To’Wrathh studied her past logs with Keith, specifically looking for his attention to power. There were little points of evidence showing her human ever cared to rule over others. Rather, he acted out of duty.

Romance novels had not delved into more mundane compatibility issues such as this. Simple incompatibility in life goals was enough to break any feelings. Humans were complicated, but this clicked into place.

She understood at that moment why Elandris had no romantic interest in Keith. And never would.

It felt like a weight off her shoulders.

“It’s even worse than you suspect, Hecate.” Elandris continued. “Not only does he not care to chase after power, he’s outright opposed to it. A few months ago, he was aiming to leave his House behind, join a Reacher house instead. And - as he so cutely puts it - I am a power-crazed heartless gold digger. There’s no future with a man who hates the very institution I’m climbing the ranks within.”

“How are you on amicable terms with Keith at all?” To’Wrathh asked, now confused. He’d seen his reaction to Ankah Shadowsong, who was also a socialite with the same goals as Elandris. And yet one was hated, and the other a close friend. It didn’t make sense.

“Ah, ah ah.” Elandris said, finger wagging in the air. “My turn to ask a question.”

“Very well human, ask.” To’Wrathh said, arms crossing over her chest, slightly annoyed at the interruption but understanding that this was the conditions set.

“Has he told you what happened on the expedition he lost his Father? No one’s heard the full story, other than him finding armor and returning with something more. Everything in House Winterscar was jumpstarted from that moment. A girl gets curious.”

Keith hadn’t told To’Wrathh what happened on the expedition - she was there to see it happen, and largely the cause of it. By technicalities, she could answer no and would be correct. But the thought of lying by omission or sheer technicality did not align with her inner thoughts.

“Tenisent and Keith ran into a machine den, and narrowly escaped. One machine continued to hunt them past all rational reasons. Tenisent and Keith fought together against the machine, with Tenisent sacrificing his life in order to give his son a chance to escape. Keith did not escape, and stood his ground, defeating the machine.”

Elandris nodded, hands folded. “I see. I had guessed something like this had happened.”

“How did you gue-” To’Wrathh stopped herself mid sentence. “I did not complete the question.”

Elandris quirked an eyebrow up with a slight smile, but inclined her head.

To’Wrathh took the answer for what it was, and returned to her original question. “How are you on amicable terms with Keith at all?”

“Mutual respect.” Elandris said without hesitation. “Both of us were trampled down by the clan’s society, and we both rebelled against it. Only in different directions. I admire someone who can simply cast off absolutely everything he has in his life in exchange for freedom, that’s not something I can ever do. And he seems to respect someone who doubles down and decides to grab the handle of the very blade that cut her. Or at least it used to be that way.”

“Used to be that way?” To’Wrathh asked, too late to stop herself. Her hands covered her mouth a second too late.

Elandris tilted her head, “I’ll let this one slide, lady Deathless, since I can see you are a very curious one.” Her finger waggled for a moment. “But once we’re done I’m going to be asking you a lot of questions.”

To’Wrathh quickly nodded.

“He changed is the simple answer.” Elandris said. “Rather abruptly too. One moment, he was desperate to escape his house and everything to do with Knights. The next moment, he’s a knight himself and now has his nose in everyone’s business. Kidra I could understand, three gods bless her, she’s someone worth working with. But Keith? Didn’t see that coming.”

“When he returned with his own armor.” To’Wrathh said, connecting the dots.

“Ahh, but here’s the catch. He could have easily given his armor down the line to the House itself. Plenty of primes or heirs are unfit to wield a relic armor. He didn’t. Instead he continued to wear the plate and take his duties more seriously.”

“A moment - does that change your aim? He now has political power.”

House Winterscar was wealthy beyond any other House now. The clan lord’s writ allowed Keith access to anything he could ask for, and the number of armors owned by the House greatly eclipsed most other Houses. Occult blades that were forged had been sent directly to the Chenobi, to be distributed among the elite knights, and Atius had not accepted those weapons and armaments for free as Kidra had explained when she’d asked for the logistics of her House.

If there was any one person within the clan who now had both wealth and power, it was Keith.

Elandris waved a hand, as if to swat away a rogue fly. “He’s not doing any of this for fun, and the moment he doesn’t need to anymore, he’ll weasel himself into a hole and retire from the limelight. And that’s not who I want. Believe me, I can tell when relic armor gets to someone’s head. He’s still the same on the inside.”

“How do you know?”

“I always keep internal notes on what makes people function. Call it a hobby of mine. It worked well - until it didn’t, but that’s another story entirely.” Elandris paused, thinking. “Put it a way you might relate to better: Deathless like you fight machines - you’ll often do research before launching any attack. I do the same, only the battlefield is done in words, and my ammunition is knowledge. And you seem very much like the type of person who requires information to act on a plan.” Then she leaned forward, the smile growing slightly wider. “Would you like some book recommendations?”

“More romance books?”

Elandris shook her head. “Not at all. Romance novels can tell you if you’re feeling something. What I can recommend will tell you if that feeling is worth pursuing.”

The girl knocked on the sliding door behind her, and soon a servant walked in. She sent a quick request to fetch books from her room and return them here. “I do treasure these books, so I will ask for them back.” She said as the man turned to leave at once. “And you say you can read them right here and right now almost instantly?”

To’Wrathh nodded. Her OCR systems would take snapshot pictures as she leafed through a book, convert the image into text and then allow her systems to read and digest the contents with ease.

“While they’re getting my stuff, what exactly are your goals here?” Elandris asked.

“I am… unsure what my goals are anymore.” To’Wrathh admitted, “I have strange feelings I need to sort through.”

“About Keith?”

To’Wrathh didn’t answer, instead finding herself flinching in her seat. Wings behind her were moving with agitation. This girl was frustratingly accurate in her targeting.

“You should be more honest with him.” Elandris said, leaning back on her seat.

“Honesty has been a controversial position within the romance novels I have read.” To’Wrathh said, diving back into her pool of information for refuge. “The heroines often conceal their affection from the main leads. Is that not the wiser track?”

Elandris laughed, “Not with him, no. Terrible idea. He’s a Winterscar, Hecate. Their house was filled with backstabbing and lies, and he grew up in the middle of all that. If there’s anyone who reacts poorly to dishonesty and hidden intentions, it’s him.”

“Honesty is the best method to interact with him?” That did track with his reactions to certain topics. And she also found honesty to be easier to deal with than the lack of it. Although, as a Feather, she had the ability to detect lies in voice patterns if given enough audio sample to run the algorithms through. How they worked, she had little idea, but their results were accurate and the systems built from before the fall of humanity.

“Of course it is. But before you can be honest with him, you have to be honest with yourself.” Elandris said, hand spinning around her wrist twice before pointing directly at To’Wrathh.

The insinuation was evident this time. “I am… not sure. Romance novels I’ve studied are inconclusive.”

“Then ask yourself, who are you looking for?”

To’Wrathh paused, thinking. “Who am I compatible with?”

“Are you asking me or asking yourself? If you told me your full history, I might be able to dig out who you really are and what you’re looking for. But I don’t think we need to do that.”

“Why not?”

She leaned forward, with a soft smile. “The very reason you’re here talking to me, searching for all these answers. You’ve already found him.”