12 Miles Below

Book 5. Chapter 26: The human condition

“Romance books?” Reginus asked, sounding almost confused.

Not what he had expected when he’d been summoned to speak to the Deathless saint.

As one of the more well known Logi handlers, he’d worked closely with Hecate Wrath as she healed the clan and was one of her first lines of contact. But the woman hadn’t made any requests of him outside the ordinary - with exception to food. The quantity and variation of food had been difficult to source but nothing a single Logi house working together couldn’t solve, nevermind the entire caste. Besides, setting up an exotic food supply was a highly efficient trade in exchange for the deep healing offered by the lady.

As for her personality and quirks shown during his time with her, they’d all learned that Hecate was rather… eccentric. Even by their own standards of eccentricity. And this felt very much in her character.

“Yes, romance books.” Hecate confirmed, wings stirring slightly behind her. He’d met her walking down to her next destination, which was House Adjudicator, another Logi house of rather high regards. “I am searching to better tune my understanding of human behavior. My transition as a Deathless has left me with gaps in my knowledge that I seek to remedy. I require a curated list of romance novels.”

That was understandable, and explained some of the oddities in her behavior.

He almost wanted to ask why she wanted to have romance knowledge instead of any other kind of human socialization, but then again... Hecate.

As a new Deathless, perhaps she was still in the process of changing, and still held onto that part of her humanity? She could have found someone who caught her eye and was now looking for means to seduce her target. With a goal in mind, it was only natural to do the research to accomplish said goal.

Not that she needed anything more than to ask, given her rank and appearance. But that wasn’t his place to make comments on. He was called on to deliver services and information, and he would do so as unbiased as possible.

So Reginus simply bowed low. “By your will, Lady Deathless. I will confer with my House and have your request fulfilled.”

He did exactly as ordered, sending a message to his house and starting the process. If anyone else thought the request was strange, they didn’t let that bother them for a second. Instead, the coffee was made, drunk and complained about - business as usual.

Reginus was a house prime, and as such held several dozen specializations in different subjects - all with the highest rank. Despite his skills and analytics, he wasn’t any kind of romance expert. But this was exactly why the Logi caste had so many different fields to study from.

It was common for the first one to be a rather silly subject, if only to prove the Logi member was capable of spreadsheet abuse. After all, the first specialization was at their fifteenth birthday. Maturity was not expected. And Logi never stopped learning a new subject to master or remaster.

A popular starting one was the study of coffee - sources, logistics, taste, brewing, mechanics and other such things. Some Logi studied this simply to be able to join the debates and arguments. But other Logi picked more oddball subjects to start with.

A ‘real’ specialization that would see them climb the ranks would come later in their life, once they discovered an area of deeper passion. Thus, Reginus knew there had to be some Logi that picked romance books to specialize in as their first pick, if only for a laugh. Everything had rules to study, book writing was not an exception.

All he needed was to pass the request along to the Logi caste and let them shift through their members to bring out who was needed.

He was in good spirits by the time they reached House Adjudicator and greeted their prime, a rather older man named Adrius. Especially when the white bearded old Logi had told him a few different Houses had all dredged up exactly the people he’d been hoping for. His call to arms had been taken seriously with all due speed.

“I do warn you however, romance is a... more serious topic of study.” Adrius said solemnly. “From what my wife discussed with me, there’s far more to it than we expect. I was rather surprised myself to find how deep this particular hole goes in the short talk I had.”

“What do you mean?” Reginus asked, now curious. Behind him, Hecate was being served a choice between the different secret coffee brews that House Adjudicator had to offer. He predicted she’d ask for a cup of every single option, even if that amount of caffeine would probably kill the most dedicated Logi three times over. But, she was Deathless. And caffeine hadn’t seem to affect her at all.

“What I mean to say is that there are actual rules and structure behind this. It’s no flight of fancy among romance writers. This isn’t isolated to authors in our clan either, it seems even the books pilgrims bring up have all kinds of conventions. The genre itself seems to attract this kind of... scientific community around it, regardless of culture or time period. Only, most of us have little clue about this convention. There are many well documented rules, metrics, and other trackable statistics to work with.”

Hecate gave the menu back to the server, tapping every item with a nod. He seemed taken aback for a moment, then confirmed her choices and scurried away.

“Why the warning for?” Reginus asked. “Isn’t it better that there are strict conventions and rules to break down? Far easier to understand and digest.”

Adrius nodded, but gave a worried glance back to the guest table where the lady Deathless waited for her coffee samples. “In most fields I’ve studied, that’s true. What can be measured and tracked always makes for easier understanding. However… do consider that if it can be measured, and can be judged - then you will find lines drawn in the snow. It is very... ahh, let's say 'cutthroat.'”

Reginus didn’t quite understand what the Prime was trying to warn him of, but a moment later it hit him. “You mean there’s debates and sides on the subject?”

“Grave ones, I’m afraid.” The prime said with a slow nod, taking a pause to drink his coffee in peace. “Odd debates I had no idea existed, since Logi studying romance tend to keep such a thing to themselves by nature of the subject. But among themselves, there are some… ahh, communities. And wars. Yes, that would be an accurate word for it.”

“How bad are we talking about?”

“On the level of coffee.”

“You have to be kidding.” Reginus immediately said, aghast. The coffee wars had grown so thick, each House had several strains of their own beans growing, or outright trade agreement with Agrifarmer Houses for very specific exclusivity conditions.

Not to mention the black market trading that happened between the houses, because inevitably Logi would find themselves agreeing or preferring coffee made by their rival houses, and vice versa - which was absolutely taboo to admit to. Leave enough idle spreadsheets, an open demand, and bored Logi... things grew warped as they found new ways to entertain themselves.

The coffee debates had inevitably spilled over to other Houses and became the standard jokes made at Logi expense. That only fueled the process, making the younger generation choose to specialize in coffee just to stir the pot further. Which started the cycle all over again.

What had started as silly jokes had eventually turned into something so tangible, there were actual stakes and resources involved in the business - so grand it eclipsed even legitimate enterprises the Agrifarmers worked on when it came to overall economic impact.

“How did this never appear on anyone's sheets?” Reginus asked. “If there’s an outright war happening under our noses, how have all sides kept it so quiet? None of that makes sense. It's statistically impossible if it’s as large as you suggest. We should have seen impacts within the economy, or market movement echos. I would have known about it by now.”

Nothing lived in true isolation from another. Even two completely different market items could interfere with one another. If someone spent their resources on food, that would be resources not spent on other products, which would appear as a measurable blimp on the radar.

“That is not a question I can answer." the old Logi said, hiding behind his coffee mug. "I’m nearly seventy years old Reginus, married for forty three years and only today I found out my wife was knee deep in the snow. Had an outright collection of books she'd never cared to show me. The moment I asked, it was as if I’d opened the hanger doors without venting first. So, now you are warned. Prepare yourself for anything.”

“Fortunate we Logi work together in times like these.” Reginus said. “It seems I will need all the help mediating this upcoming debate that I can get.”

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Adrius said nothing. He kept his old eyes locked straight ahead, taking another slow sip of coffee.

“... You are going to assist in mediating this, yes?” Reginus asked again. "This is your House grounds selected for the meeting after all."

“I recognize a minefield when I see it.” Adrius eventually said, taking another sip. “And I didn’t grow this old by being stupid. Coffee has always been a worthwhile debate, but we all know it’s tongue in cheek at the end of the day, and nothing of a truly serious debate. This however?” He hummed. “I have a wife and I prefer to sleep in the comfort of my bed, so there are real world ramifications to taking sides for me. Some mountains are not worth freezing on, and this would be one such thing. Do feel free to ask for any cup you wish, I’ll see to covering the cost as you are indeed a guest among this hall. As for the rest, I wish you the warmest luck.”

He turned, and walked off just as the servants of his house entered carrying trays filled with different colored cups, each steaming with various tan, brown and black liquids.

In hindsight, he should have realized Logi who specialized in romance books were not going to be regular airspeeders floating right side up as Adrius had warned him. This was a hobby to them, something they were passionate about.

Twenty three Logi soon arrived into the hall. Though there were more candidates possible, these were reportedly the most dedicated in that field, many of which were authors themselves. Behind each were hoversleds filled with books to the brim, some having to bring friends to help haul more behind. All across the age board as well, the oldest looked to be in her fifties while the youngest seemed to be on her third or even second specialization. Most of the Logi gathered were women, though a handful of men had arrived along with the group.

They marched up the steps like a war band, eyeing each other with a familiarity that spoke to past debates.

Reginus had a terrible feeling about all this already, and the meeting hadn’t even started.

“And I raise you that all true off-limits relationships derive directly from R&MS. AG novels are perfectly acceptable. Every culture has age gaps in some form or another, it’s hardly even controversial, especially in older shippings. AG isn’t fantasy, it’s generic. A Retainer prime secretly seeing anyone under his caste’s ranking is far more off-limits and hasn’t ever truly happened in life. That is fantasy. If we’re speaking of books that should be included in her request, AG is perfectly suitable and I would argue optimal even. ‘Frozen Heart’ is a heartthrob, but utter nonsense in real life.”

Reginus rubbed his temples, wondering why he’d been dragged into this. Two hours of unceasing bickering between the experts. Hecate nodded next to him, eyebrows furrowed as she tried to process the information. He already knew she was capable of utter focus on anything she set her sight on, and these debates weren’t an exception.

Another woman stood ramrod straight, turned around to her hoversled and began to throw books off of it until she dug out a rather beaten up tome. “Utter nonsense?! With respects Lady Accilla, your taste is utter trash. And allow me to offer a counterpoint -” She lifted the book straight up, the title in bold print: ‘An undying desire.’ And then threw it straight at the first woman’s desk. “A Deathless of two hundred years falls for a mary sue of nineteen, and you think this age gap is acceptable?”

Another scoffed in the distance, “DxMS is an entirely different genre and shouldn’t be lumped anywhere close to AG. Deathless don't actually fall in love with anyone, or care about romance. That's the fantasy part of it all with DxMS. And you call yourself a specialist? Pathetic. Go back to primary training, you clearly failed basic genre organization.”

"Allegedly they don't." The woman shot back, then pointed straight at Hecate. "And that's proof it's not fantasy. So you go back to the sheets you came from, you clearly got your numbers screwed."

That didn’t stop Hecate from reaching a hand out to ask for the book, which was absentmindedly passed down the line into her hands. She’d been doing that for every book that had been tossed around, shortly after she’d been shoved one such book an hour ago in a heated debate. Since then, every expert had made some unworded agreement to allow the Deathless to grab any book that struck her fancy.

She opened it up, and began to flip through the pages, putting the book down seconds later and pausing to think.

To the rest of the room, it seemed more like the Deathless was simply testing the look and feel of the book, keeping them in reserve for later reading tonight. But Reginus knew better. Hecate had shown that particular occult power before, the ability to instantly read any information within a heartbeat. He had no doubts the Deathless had not only read the whole problematic book, but also intently studied it as well.

And since he didn’t have any specialization in romance, he couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. These specialists around him were supposed to be the ones to make that call, instead they’d been at each other’s throats for the past two hours and nearly forgot they had a gods damned Deathless in the room with them.

“Generally, forbidden love stories are rooted around the top row of the sheet.” Another woman said, slapping her hand a few times on the desk in anger. The nameplate by her desk read ‘Elenore’ “While it doesn’t happen often, it does happen still. See the case of House Winterscar’s past prime marrying a casteless women! That’s real life!”

“Speculation and rumor!” The first woman said. “I’ve seen the records, House Winterscar showed documented lineage of that woman as belonging to the caste and having had a simple error in earlier paperwork from birth. She had simply been unaccounted for until it mattered to have her accounted.”

“An ‘error’ in paperwork.” Elenore said, voice flat. “You truly believe that? What Logi would make a paperwork error about a person’s existence.”

“What's the alternative? That Retainers are smart enough to forge paperwork to cover something like this up? Please, half of them can’t even set a filter on a spreadsheet just to list out what their favorite tasting pencils are. No, it’s far more likely there truly was a mixup in the paperwork, the Retainers didn't care to fix it because they're Retainers. Then some doe-eyed airhead still proud of her first pivot table decided all of this was enough of a reach to imagine up some rags-to-riches coffeestain. From there, you all ate it up like fact.”

“And why were you even looking for the official records in the first place? Hmm? Are you perhaps hiding your true interests in the topic? Or just ‘fact checking’ the story?”

“Ladies, enough!” A woman named Brigette screamed out, spoon tapping against her cup of coffee to make for a thoroughly unpleasant noise. “We’re here to offer the lady Deathless a more realistic take on romance and the particulars. Let's consider her situation. As a Deathless, she’s mostly exposed to the upper Castes, mainly the Retainers - for better or worse. There’s one genre that all of us can agree with that shows the trials and tribulations most marriages face in those castes.”

The rest of the group turned to stare her down, as if waiting for the bait to open fire on.

“And that is the romantic aspect of two people learning to love after commitment - which is to say, arranged or forced marriages is the objective best genre to start with.” She said, nose tilted up in pride.

There was a pause in the room, and then everyone started to yell over one another. For the first time in years, Reginus had no idea how to even mediate or settle down some of these debates.

“You all are mistaken. Forbidden love is where the true passion lies. Who wouldn't risk everything for the love of their life? Is there any better example of what love and romance really is than those kinds of feelings?!”

Books were thrown at one another now. Hecate recovered all of them, slowly, like a war scavenger collecting spent ammunition leftover from a battlefield. She didn't even need to get out of her seat, they seemed to inevitably be shoved into her direction.

“Unexpected affection! The source of all chemistry between couples is when love isn’t expected at all from the very start!” Another book waved in the air, ‘Her desires’

Equally passed down the line and placed into Hecate’s hands, where she devoured the book.

“E to L! Enemies to lovers is the perfect representation of human complexity, change, and unexpected love! Nothing better could exist to truly understand a maiden’s heart than the razor sharp edge between hatred and passion!”

Another set of books, this time with more than one arguing for it and waving around their favorite tomes as if they were battle banners. Hecate took all of them, and with each of those books, she went to reach for more while the arguments grew ugly.

Reginus watched Hecate outright eat a cup of coffee by accident while she skimmed the latest of that particular category, so he assumed that the Deathless must be fairly entertained. She only ate plates when she was truly focused on something else as far as he knew.

Given who the enemies of Deathless generally were, Reginus hoped she wasn’t thinking about courting a machine of all things. But given the degeneracy he’d been exposed to, he was sure someone had written a book about just that and it was likely buried in one of the hoversleds looming behind the council of romance fanatics. Possibly two or three even.

“Secret affairs between houses!” brought on utter chaos in the room.

There were twenty books for that topic, with one being universally condemned by everyone in the room as ‘complete trash.’ which was the first time Reginus had seen anyone in this room in complete agreement. He didn’t understand why such a book was hated, and yet still brought into the meeting. Not just by one person either, but a whole seventeen copies of that book had been independently brought by the experts gathered.

They still passed it down the line to Hecate, to his horror.

For the first time, Reginus spoke up, putting a hand on the offending book. ‘Twelve Shades to Twilight’s Glimmer’

He coughed, which drew the current discussion to a halt. “If all of you agree such a book is unrealistic and… ‘utter garbage’, should it not be returned back to your hovesleds instead of given to Lady Hecate?”

That seemed reasonable to him. The room grew quiet, with everyone inside shooting guilty looks to one another, or rather probing for someone to stand up and say what’s on their minds.

Eventually one such did, a man by the name of Grelin. “It may be confusing to an outsider,” He said, “But that particular series is foundational, and all experts agree most romance novels were built on top of it. There is a lot of meta analysis to understand from the series.”

“Exactly!” Elenore said, hands slamming down on the desk as she stood up. “The lady Hecate couldn’t understand half the references in other writings that directly build on top of what this novel describes. It’s utter trash, but mandatory reading.”

The rest of the group all nodded fiercely to this. And Reginus couldn’t help but suspect there was some kind of unworded agreement between everyone in the room to claim the series as trash and yet sincerely want to read it.

It was baffling. He wasn’t sure if his intuition was lying to him, or simply completely out of his depth. Were they all simply having a tongue-in-cheek debate, or truely serious? For once, he felt he understood how outsiders must view any official debates among the Logi when it came to more petty subjects.

What he did know for fact, is that the Lady Hecate seemed to have gotten a good enough grasp of romance when she walked out of the room and was content with her new trove of knowledge.

He was rather afraid of what exactly that meant however.