Tunnel Rat

Chapter 230: On Patrol

Rogarth wondered how much the approaching people had drunk. They had linked arms and were hoping forward together, stopping for little kicks and sidesteps while singing a drinking song. The little guy in the center was so drunk the other two held him in the air. They kept coming until they were fifty feet away. The little guy must be a mess; he could barely hold his halberd, and his helmet was crooked. The other two laughed and pointed at him before he yelled at them to stand at attention and straighten up.

They were close enough for him to see how big the other two were. When they quit slouching, they were at least as six-feet tall but were wide and heavily muscled. He wasn't worried; they didn't have much skill with their weapons or fighting in armor. They stood straight while the little guy took a step closer and thumped the butt of his halberd on the ground for attention. "Greetings! Do you need assistance? I see many tombstones in your camp. Are you having trouble with the moles? If it is too dangerous for you, perhaps you should return to the human city."

The voice was a little high and had a strange accent to it. Rogarth had heard that accent a lot in the Hollow. Mystery solved; this guy was a ratkin from the Hollow sent to hassle them. He gave the signal to be ready to fight. Both Ardvus and Black John gave the return signal. Willy, of course, was off in the shadows somewhere and hadn't been able to memorize hand signals in the first place. Ardvus was focusing on his spells and having the same problem as always: Where was Willy? The enemy was perfectly grouped for a fireball, but the half-orc was probably nearby. That's all he needed was a deep-fried Willy complaining to his dad. Black John was ready with his shield and Sword of Ravaging. The thing was already humming and buffing up his strength. Necrobarb was hiding behind John's shield. She needed to get close for her bow to gain the most damage. Rogarth hated that bow, even if Barb loved it. What good was a bow that put you near the enemy, no matter how extra damage it did? He shook off his annoyance and yelled back.

"Thanks, we could use some help. The moles killed some of our party members, and we're waiting for them to return. Need a drink? We've got some beer and a little brandy left. Come share it with us while we wait for the moles to respawn."

One of the big fighters yelled out in a high-pitched voice that sounded like a little girl. "Do you have candy? I like candy!"

The other started yelling as well, also mimicking a little girl. "Or cheese! Do you have cheese?"

"That's Bad! Mama says no asking for cheese!"

"That's Hollow Rules. We are brave guards patrolling tunnels."

"What would Mama say?"

.....

"What would Mama say?!!"

"...Momma would say no cheese. I want candy, then!"

"We both want candy. Candy for brave guards who kill moles!"

Rogarth had trouble keeping a straight face. Barb was giggling and even sour-faced-Joe had a smile. These guys were a comedy troop. He turned to the group. "I'm tempted to let them live. These guys are funny. Does anyone have candy? When we split the loot from the moles, we pay them candy. If they argue, we can always kill them then."

Barb whispered back. "I have some licorice in my pack, and Joe is hiding those sugar cookies he likes." Joe glared at her.

Rogarth was about to yell back when Willy stood up from the shadows at the feet of the guy in the lead, plunged two daggers into his chest, and then rolled between the two fighters—disappearing back into the shadows. "Willy Wonky has your candy right here! Have a double dose!"

Barb and Joe advanced together to take out one of the fighters. Rogarth charged the other. Ardvus let loose a spell of Battle Blessing, giving all of them a boost to their damage. This fight was going to be over quickly. One guy was down already. Willy might be a crazy shithead, but he packed a punch. Each of those daggers carried enough poison to do 1000 points of damage in only two rounds.

He wasn't quite dead and must have said something to his bodyguards. The two had started to look for Willy but turned and charged forward.

Joe met the first one on his side, prepared to block with his shield and keep their attention while Barb moved in for a point-blank shot. Rogarth engaged the other one. He side-stepped the powerful overhand slash, noting the sparks and chips of rocks that sprayed as the sword hit the ground. He winced; that was no way to treat a good sword! His weapon sliced across a gap in the armor, wounding his foe in the side. He got in another slash as they brought up their sword to swing again. "You aren't a nice person! I get to hit you." Rogarth almost laughed at the silly voice but paid attention to the clumsy slash, knocking it to the side before kicking the other fighter's knee to knock them over. Or that was the idea. The guy's leg was like a tree trunk, and he showed no reaction.

He heard a cry of pain, and Joe sailed by, landing ten feet away. His shield bent in the center and ruined. The other fighter pointed and laughed, ignoring Barb, who moved up to them and fired an arrow at point-blank range into their back. At that range, her Bow of Mangling would do triple damage and deliver three different poisons: a paralyzing nerve toxin, a poisonous spider venom, and a blinding toxin. Barb started to draw back her string for another shot. The big fighter wasn't collapsing or staggering around blind, which was the normal reaction. Instead, they threw back their head and roared! They spun in a circle, swinging at Barb, who tried to dodge. She was partially successful, avoiding the sword, but not the large foot that kicked out, catching her in the stomach and knocking the wind from her.

"Sister!" Rogarth's opponent turned toward the injured fighter, screamed, and ran at Barb, ignoring the slash Rogarth landed on her back. Joe was getting up; Willy was wherever the hell Willy had gone to, and Rogarth had to chase his foe before they got to Barb. "Ardvus! Need an assist over here!"

The mage was already casting a spell. "On it! Edward's Yucky Tentacles of Ensnaring!" The spell failed to go off when a javelin caught Ardvus in the shoulder, spinning him around, blood spurting from the wound. The leader, obviously a spell caster, wasn't dead. More, he had taken off the helmet in lieu of a set of magical bone armor. And a tail. Definitely a rat from the Hollow. Rogarth ignored him, that was a dead mage. If he wasn't watching for Willy, he was going to get stabbed again. Barbarians were fast, wearing no armor and having a skill to increase their combat speed. But he couldn't catch his armored opponent, who quickly skipped in Necrobarb's direction. Worse, the other fighter was on her as well, seeming to throw off the effects of the arrow. Each of them grabbed one of Barb's arms and a leg, and he was pretty sure one of them said, "Make a wish!" They pulled the archer apart a second later, sending entrails and blood all around the area. Rogarth felt the rage rising and let it come. He needed power now, not a clear head. These were monsters!

Willy saw his chance as the rat wizard cast a spell. The guy was freaky, covered in bony plates with a long boney tail. But he still had Willy's daggers stuck in him, and Willy was going to add to that collection. The rat was casting another spell, glowy-magic-stuff coming out of his hands, oblivious to him. The half-orc went for his signature kill shot, leaping high with both daggers over his head, he'd seen Squint do this against the World Boss, and it had looked cool. He'd been practicing ever since. "Willy Wonky Kill Shot! Have some candy!"

Magic ran down a glowing tail, forming a runic formation aimed at Willy. Milo had been waiting for the rogue to leap again from the shadows. The spell hit Willy and slammed him against the tunnel ceiling before he fell to the ground, stunned. Milo noticed the ceiling where Willy hit was cracked, and a big chunk of rock was loose. He burned double the mana to cast the force spell again, aiming for the ceiling. Rock cracked, and a chunk of the ceiling came loose, falling on top of Willy with a satisfying crunch. Milo turned to see how the girls were doing; this fight wasn't going the way he had expected. Their opponents were high-level, and the rogue had taken them by surprise. How did anyone fight in a helmet? The stupid things made it hard to see and lowered his perception.

The girls were having trouble. The Barbarian and the warrior dodged their clumsy blows, and the mage was getting ready to cast another spell. Milo decided playtime was over.

"Guard Rules are over. We're using Rough Playtime rules now!"

Rosie and Buttercup screamed in delight and threw their swords at their foes. Rogarth dodged, but Buttercup managed to nail Ardvus in the head with the hilt of her sword, knocking him down again. Joe saw the wounded fighter he was beating on throw away her weapon and helmet, deciding to fight with claws and teeth. And what big claws they were. They were the envy of any Kodiak bear or chimera. She leaped at him, taking a wound but grappling him. Claws shredded his armor, and she bit down on his shoulder. They rolled on the ground, screams and laughter alternating.

Rogarth wasn't aware of it; he was deep into a barbarians frenzy, hacking and slashing while ignoring the attacks of his foes. They stood toe to toe, damaging each other terribly until his rage expired. The monster before him looked at him and giggled, her arms bloody to the elbows. Pain hit him, and he looked down to where most of his torso was missing. His eyes rolled up, and he fell dead at her feet. Both cheese-fiends stood up, as did Ardvus. They began stripping off their armor, revealing fur and tails.

"Armor is dumb."

"Hard to move in."

Ardvus readied an escape spell that would let him run like the wind for one minute, but their leader was walking forward, a spell ready in his nimble fingers. The mage stared, realizing what he was seeing. That wasn't a spell! Those were runes. Multiple runes! The rat wizard was juggling multiple runes at once in a complex pattern.

"You promised my sisters some candy, I think. It would be rude not to share."

The two monstrous little girls agreed.

"Really rude! So rude!"

"Not sharing is bad, and we'll tell Larry."

Rosie sniffed. "And what does it have in its pockets?"

The wizard smiled. "Trust me; you don't want to make Larry mad at you."

Ardvus held up his hands in surrender. "How about some black licorice and some nice sugar cookies? And I have some lemon candy in my pocket and more in my pack! Please, take it! I'll leave and not come back! I'll be good! It was Willy's fault!"

The girls suddenly turned, hearing a moan from under a rock.

"Tallsqueak? May we go play with Willie? You have to get our candy for us!"

"Yes. Save it, please. We can't eat until we wash up. Mama's Rules!"

"Sure, go play. Remember to remove all his clothes and weapons before you play with him. If he isn't dead, he has some good stuff on him. I'll have a talk with Ardvus here about how to behave in the Hollow."

Ardvus spent the next ten minutes finding candy and sweets, piling up the group's loot, and helping Tallsqueak separate what had come from the other group. Once he realized he wasn't going to die, they had a polite conversation about proper etiquette in the Hollow and the area around it. He was even helpful in pointing out the magic items that belonged to Barb, Rogarth, and Joe. He had a question, though.

"Can you give me a hint of how high those two are? I can tell your third tier, and it amazes me you can already use runes, but my group was Levels 14 to 16. Willy and Rogarth are in the fourth tier, and we outnumbered you five to three."

"Hmm, hard to say. But I think six."

The mage paled. "They are in the 6th tier. Oh god, we screwed up."

Tallsqueak shook his head. "No, six years old. We're going to celebrate their seventh birthday in a week. Would you like to come to the party? Remember, they like candy."

Ardvus swallowed hard. He really didn't want to deal with the rest of the group again. Especially, Willy, the guy drove him nuts. "Um...could I help you return the gear to the other group? I'd love to apologize, take my lumps, and maybe stick around the Hollow for a while. I can see some advantages of polite society."

Milo thought it over. "Sure. Everyone deserves a second chance."

They watched as the girls freed an injured Willy from his rocky prison and stripped him to his underwear before making him play tag with them. When it was his turn, he pulled a dagger from somewhere and threw it at Buttercup, sticking it into her shoulder. "Ha! Tag! Your It! Willy Wonky Wins!" He didn't survive the tag back.

Ardvus shook his head. "Everyone except Willy."

It was late when a tired group of brave guards returned from patrol. They delivered a repentant mage and a pile of loot to the half-naked group sleeping by the campfire. The girls were sleepy and exhausted but wanted to tell Mama Gendifur about their adventures. She listened while she cleaned them up and let them eat their sweets. After putting them to bed, she returned to the living room and glared at Tallsqueak. "Did you really take them out and attack a group of players?"

He spread his hands. "You did say you didn't care."

She relaxed and sighed. "I did, and it was a nice break. But now they're making up stories about fighting a giant mole named Tunnel Tyrant. Is that a new story for bedtime?"

Milo shook his head. "No, he charged us as we were about to leave. He was a level 19 Elite and really tough. We let the girls play with him while Ardvus and I whittled him down with spells. We all earned 18 Bonus points from the fight. I had them buy three INT and three WIS. It helped a lot." He yawned twice, excused himself, and took a nap.

Gendifur sat down next to Brutus. The two of them looked at each other, and he said. "Looks like I'll be taking the girls on patrol with me some."