Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)

658. Jury’s Doubts and Fears of Change

“Haaaah~”

Nothing could soothe the soul quite like taking off one’s shoes and socks after a long day. Frost melted when she walked through the front doors, the cool floorboards meeting with her exposed soles.

“[Cleanse]. Finally. I’m back home. Free at last~” She nearly yawned, stowing her footwear away into her Dimensional Storage.

One by one, pieces of her apparel were peeled from her shoulders. She was enveloped by the warm light of the massive chandelier in the cneter of the atrium. Snores coming from the Sleepy Frost greeted her moments before soft but powerful footsteps followed her.

“Brrr~ Bzzt!”

“Oh, Snap! Sorry, did I wake you up?” A ball of delightful fur shoved her forward. Her fuzzy friend snuggled into her lower back, causing her to stifle a giggle as it tickled her. “Yeah, I know. I’ve missed you too. Anything happen while I was gone?”

“Zzzzt!”

“Nothing much, huh. I guess that’s a good thing too. I wouldn’t want to keep missing out. Hey, c’mon Snap! Let go! I wanna go make something.”

It had been so long since Snap had last talked to Frost, let alone embraced her. It was not going to let her go so easily, which resulted in Frost yielding to its possessive hug for a few minutes.

“Really… You’re just like Jury. Everyone wants a dose of Vitamin F. Hmm? Snap?”

Upon realizing that Snap was imposing on a fatigued Frost, it tried to detach itself. However, Frost, who sat on her knees on a small cushion, invited it back with open arms and a motherly smile.

“Here. Come~ You can still hold me if you’re not done. C’mon. I have plenty of time to spare.”

“Bzzzt.” Warm, fuzzy arms wrapped Frost again, half of her body sinking deeply into its irresistibly soft fur.

“My hair? I ended up eating a bunch of apples. One thing led to another. Think it suits me?”

Snap responded with a low-pitched purr. The vibration was transmitted onto Frost’s body, further easing her into Snap’s body as she wondered why they were like this suddenly. Snap was usually reserved and at most asked for headpats.

For it to be like likely meant that it was worried about Frost.

Yeah. Hard to blame them after what happened in Paradise.

Snap wasn’t the only one either. The Little Frost suddenly sprung from the fuzz and played with Frost’s hair, her eyes dazzling at the sight of the golden highlights. A playful thumbs up emoji appeared above her head.

“Ahh. I want to stay in here forever~” Frost nearly squealed. She raised her hands to lightly pinch the cheeks of the Little Frost, before eventually patting her head. “Good to see that at least you’re still ok. Hey… You weren’t there, right?”

The Little Frost smiled ambiguously. She was no different to that of a child when they saw the face of their mother. It was impossible to tell exactly what she was thinking, or if that smile meant ‘Yes’.

“Nod of you were. Shake your head if you weren’t.”

The Little Frost did both, much to Frost’s confusion. Snap soon shifted away from Frost. Fully recharged with Vitamin F, it moved to snuggle close with the Sleepy Frost, who lazed on a giant beanbag – the same that Cer used to hide herself in. Her legs were crossed and hung over the arm of a nearby couch.

A book laid open on her face as a small puddle of drool formed. She muttered strange things in her sleep, like: “Healers… I need more Healers… to complete my perfect bedroom.” Or, “Too firm. Too soft. Too big. Too small.”

One could only imagine what she was dreaming about.

Frost strayed from the atrium in a house far too large for the meager amount of people living inside. As a result, many of the halls and rooms were home to spare furniture. It was quite easy to get lost, never mind trying to figure out which door was the bathroom amongst several hundreds.

The design could’ve been smaller. The reason why we made it so big was because we, or actually, I was afraid we’d need this much room since it’d take one person to bring the whole house down. But then again, we can control the output of our strength. Hmm…

Stray thoughts came to her as echoes of her footsteps bounced from the walls. Her legs eventually took her to rustic kitchen that thankfully saw heavy usage, evident by a scarred chopping board and various misplaced utensils.

Frost didn’t know why she was here. She only knew that she wanted to relax. Though this house was her home, there were parts that were still unfamiliar to her due to her absence.

She picked up a pan and gazed into its reflective sheen, seeing the distorted image of herself.

“This will be my life one day.” A soft sight slipped her lips.

She imagined herself in an apron next to Jury, in a cozy home free from the horrors of the world. That future certainly existed. They just had to try. But still, Frost couldn’t help but imagine an alternative reality where they didn’t have to fight, risk their lives, and have to break down in order to grow.

It was in that dream where Frost also wondered what having children would be like. Would she be the mother? Jury? Both? How would it work?

Such thoughts were allowed to swim in her mind now that she was away from it all. She took an apron from a hook nearby, and was about to wrap it behind herself until suddenly –

“Frost~ I could’ve tried to make something for you if I knew you were hungry.”

– A pair of hands wrapped it for her, and Frost couldn’t help but melt like a popsicle left out in the roaring sun.

“Can you even cook?” Frost smiled, leaning back into the chest of her Jury. “I was just thinking about you. Keep me company while I make something for us.”

“Ooh? What are you going to make?” Jury’s eyes twinkled. “Porridge? Meat? Skewers?”

“Depends on what we have. Which is a silly thing to say, since all produces exist on this Floor. And aren’t you holding me a little too tightly?”

“Is there something wrong with that?” Jury whispered into her ear, causing Frost to shiver slightly. “Mm~ Mm~”

“You’re really energetic, huh?”

“Because you’re back home. Plus, you’re still the same as you left.” Jury wrapped her tail around Frost’s waist. “I was afraid that you would’ve turned into something else while I was gone.”

“… A part of me was too, but lucky for me nothing really ended up happening. Hey, would you still love me if I did transform? Like say… Into a slime, like Ignis?”

“You know I would, because you’re the only Frost I need.” She hummed, walking with Frost to the sink, her tail and arms wrapped around her possessively. “A slime Frost… Would be perfect in its own way. That way, I wouldn’t have to worry so much about you all the time.”

“Geez. I forgot how aggressive you are sometimes. Not that I hate it. What about you, Jury? I don’t usually hear much about you. I remember you got mad the day before I left for Grandis.”

As happy as Frost was that Jury was always thinking about her, Jury never really spoke about her own problems or aspirations. Of course, finding their own slice of paradise after all of this was their biggest goal, but still, Frost wanted to know more about her lover.

Was she handling her Atelier well? How did she feel being a Beholder in the spotlight? Was she happy? Was something bothering her?

There was much unknown about Jury all things considered. Realizing this, Frost tried to get Jury to open a bit more, which was a strange thing. Jury was spontaneous, outgoing, and energetic. But sometimes, she never spoke a word or remained silent.

“Where do I start? I’m… conflicted in a lot of ways.” Jury began as she rocked behind Frost.

Words spilled from her heart and directly into Frost’s ears as the pans and pots clanged away.

“I don’t want you to go, but you have to. I don’t want to be so tough on people, but there’s no other way to discipline them when they do something wrong. I don’t want to lash out, but sometimes it feels like it can’t be helped. My technology is a necessity, but sometimes the ticking feels like an unbearable weight.”

Slowly, she began to lean her weight onto Frost, as if asking her to share her burden.

“It all comes down to wondering if I’m doing the right thing. Time Reverberation… the Atelier we built is different from everything else. Suffering doesn’t fuel our Atelier. We don’t have quotas or demands to meet. Other than mine. It’s grown from one million Nex to two million Nex a day now.”

The reason why Jury was afraid of Frost changing was because Jury herself was experiencing that process. Her tail had changed considerably already. Was there more she hadn’t shown yet, or was afraid to?

Jury assured Frost that nothing of the sort had happened, but to Jury, it was a frightening thought and an inevitability of the Beholders, or those who possessed a Gift From a Star.

“That Heart belongs to Elysia, right? You only have a piece of it. It’s not like the technologies that the Beholders have, which are Gift From Stars. And just like you, I don’t care if you change. You’re still Jury to me.” Frost assured, bringing Jury clawed hand to cup her face. “You’re doing the right thing. People are getting the help they need because of your technology. Why are you doubting yourself? Jury?”

“Because it’s scary to be the reason why someone gets hurt.” Jury revealed one of her greatest fears. “Part of me vaguely remembers the me in the Black Forest. The guilt I experienced because people wandered in despite my protests. I sometimes wonder if I could’ve done more to stop them. Retrospective thoughts are a curse sometimes. It makes you want to shoot a bullet back in time to fix things.”

“I feel the same way too sometimes, honestly. But at the same time, I don’t think I’d want the old me to interact with the me now. Unlike you, I’ve changed a lot. You’re still like the kid back in the Black Forest, wanting to help people. If you two met, then I’m sure you’d get along.”

Frost’s thought experiment brought Jury back from her fog of darkness. Jury clearly needed to unbottle her feelings, and someone to assure her that she was on the right path. Frost was that person to her, and Jury wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Right now, you’re doing more than just wanting to help. You’re trying to heal the wounds of the past. To me, I think that’s an amazing thing. No Healer can do that. Only you can.”

She snuggled into Frost’s shoulder, the tip of her tail vibrating like that of a rattlesnake.

Encouragement. Conviction. Reassurance. They were the ingredients to Jury’s midnight meal. Before Frost had even finished cooking, Jury had already eaten her serving, and she thanked Frost from the bottom of her heart.

“Frost… I don’t get it.” She whispered. “Why wouldn’t you want to meet with your old self?”

“Because I wouldn’t be able to bear how much I’ve drifted away from my morals. Likewise, the old me would condemn me for becoming like this. It’s a mirror I wouldn’t ever want to look at.”

Frost, in nothing but black shorts that exposed supple, fair flesh and a simple shirt, was the same person who eliminated nearly a hundred, or in some estimates, over a hundred thousand people. A tyrant that broke the psyche of people, transforming them into the ultimate evil – a Corrupted.

But to Jury, Frost was like any other ordinary girl. In her simple clothing that lacked the majesty of the Coat of Prejudice, Frost was as vulnerable as anyone else. Those golden eyes and hair told tales of her growth, each strand representing the sins she shouldered.

Frost hummed to herself as Jury fell silent. It took minutes before Jury said anything.

“I still think you’re the same person. Frost~”

“Hm. Thank you – Ah – Ah~ At least wait till I’m done cooking!” Jury slipped a hand into Frost’s shirt, exploring her stomach, her fingers threatening to reach other sensitive places. “Save dessert for last!”

“It’s just a little. I won’t touch anything else. I promise. You can touch my belly too~”

“On second thought… I guess that’s not too bad.” Frost indulged in Jury’s offer. “… You’ve got some great abs. I’m jealous. I’m all flat and bland. On the bright side, I’m not too big in this department.” She looked down at her chest.

“It’s better that way. A soft served Frost is the best Frost.” Jury’s breath was so close to Frost’s ear that she instinctively braced herself, like she was about to be nipped.

“… What is that even supposed to mean – Hngh~”

Instead, her nape was licked, like she was a giant scoop of soft served ice cream.

“Jury! Why is that you always get so… so horny after every heart to heart!?”

“I blame my genetics.”

“Huh!?”

“You’re my apple. So I’m going to eat you again. Is that ok?”

“… Dammit Jury… At least wait till we’re back in our room.”

Their time spent together was always the most precious. Every moment was cherished and burned into their memories ever since they first met. Jury was irreplaceable, and her time spent away from her in Grandis made her crave Jury.

This was ultimately why she wanted Jury to come along to Grandis.

The war was just an excuse. She was happy that Jury talked about her fears and worries. Despite her outspokenness, Jury didn’t tend to talk about herself, and usually focused on other people’s problems. Frost had to be there for Jury, as Jury was always there for her.

“Jury… Do you have to always use food as an analogy for me?” Frost complained, though she didn’t seem unhappy in the slightest as Jury carried her like a bride through the halls.

“How else am I supposed to devour you~?” Jury hummed, championing towards their bedroom.

It went without saying that Frost experienced what Jury’s tail was capable of that night.