Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)

589. Fragment of Sinder’s Memories

“I will never forget the day you gave your life to me.”

A lone, distant thought sailed through an unending void. The small light could not penetrate the darkness. But that light also could not be touched by it no matter how hard it encroached.

The darkness collapsed suddenly. When the light returned, a man with a red gaze stared back in the reflection of a broken mirror.

A dusty, decrepit facility far too large for a single man to roam was a place he had always wished to forget. Long halls separated by meter-thick doors of steel, empty cafeteria rooms and research halls where instruments were hastily destroyed.

It was as though a storm had swept through the facility. His steps hollowly echoed as he dragged a hand along the walls. They were painted picturesque will the blood of many, and on it was a childish depiction of the world beyond these walls.

His hand stopped on what was supposed to be a falling star. Beneath it were the heights of the city, and surrounding it were childing frolicking hand in hand in giant rings.

“A collective call brought strange things into this world. ‘He’ was no different.”

Sinder stalked the halls carrying a long, break-action rifle loaded with a crystal bullet. His eyes glowed ominously in the darkness like that of a feline. Even the sound of his steps was inhumanly silent. He breathed the toxic air that caused many scientists in white robes to crawl on their hands, scraping at their necks for air.

“D… Dr… ____... How could you… This Branch… Was supposed to help you return!”

One recognized his face and matching silhouette.

But they did not know who those red eyes belonged to.

“Ah. That name. A friend. A mentor. A teacher. A father. You were many things to me, good doctor.”

The ventilation systems of the facility were compromised with an invisible neurotoxin. This location was not the Main Branch Facility in Paradiso. Rather, it was one of the several dotted around the City, built during a time when the Stars neared their point of extinction.

“Those eyes. It can’t be. You… you are –!?”

Gunshots prevailed through the misery of the facility. Sirens blared with the sound of broken chains as Sinder’s gun breathed smoke. Gunshot after gunshot, Sinder slaughtered the scientists of the facility for a purpose he could only describe as…

“Unending hatred. It alone fueled my rampage. Like a bullet, I moved steadfastly out of vengeance. The time I recall having spent with memories of elsewhere and within my dark egg haunted my every step.”

“The City never sleeps. Someone’s missing their mother every waking second in the outer circles. Someone needed to do something. Someone needed to be feared. I accumulated so many names for the sake of wholeness.”

Scientists slumped over chairs and terminals. Monsters born from the mind remained within their containment units. A trail of flames followed his steps and consumed countless more still waiting deep beneath the elevators.

“It was tiring being trapped the moment I wore these garbs. The moment I took upon this arm to define myself, tales were already prewritten. A wand was waved over my head. I ask of you, Godmother in heaven, why must you condemn us?”

A single flaming bullet fell down the collapsed shaft, damning those beneath to an inescapable hell. A torrent of flames licked his face, melting and cracking the concrete floors. It merely tickled him.

He finally turned his back, pulling out a flame-resistant diary where he checked off a list of written locations similar to this facility. What he held was a book of the evils of the City and his endless experiences since the very beginning.

It was, in essence, his fairytale.

“Captured Star. Star. Light. Mana. Nex. An Arm. A Hired Arm. A Body. The Head of the Human Wholeness… And Dr. ____”

So many names defined him. Some belonging to Sinder, and others belonging to a sorrow that never let him sleep soundly.

“False names I want to forget. False names attributed to my appearance. False names given to me by the garbs I wear.”

Finally, his book shut as he tucked away a flaming quill. On the way he recovered a random assortment of notes. They weren’t of any interest to him, but he knew someone who’d appreciate archiving the knowledge of this place.

And the thought of that person made such a cruel, expressionless man break into a warm smile.

“Was it so hard to just be Sinder?”

* * *

< … st… >

< … ost… >

< F…st >

< Frost? >

< Elysia to Frost? >

“… ngh… W-What the –!?”

Frost’s muscles contracted like she was struck by a bolt of lightning.

Before her was a long drop into one of the many canyons of Paradise Lost. She stood at the edge of the cliff face, half of her feet hovering over nothing as she swiftly pulled herself back.

It wasn’t like falling would hurt her. Still, waking up to be met with a long fall was bound to shake just about anyone. She blankly blinked and touched her face. The tenderness of her skin and the shape of her nose confirmed to her that she was still a girl.

“... Sorry Nav. Were you trying to say something?”

“I have.” Nav simply answered as Frost stretched her arms, taking in the scenery after such a restful sleep.

“Whew. I was just knocked out for a few minutes –”

“It’s been hours, Frost. I was getting worried about you, but it sounded like you were sleeping. I didn’t hear the grass scrunch, so you must’ve been asleep on your feet.”

Frost patted her body and confirmed that there wasn’t a blade of grass on her. The place where she stood was heavily impacted which supported Nav’s guess.

“You must have been fatigued after your Emotional State returned to normal. But you have near endless endurance, and it hasn’t been that long. Did something happen?”

“Yeah. Sorry for worrying you. I think I had a dream.”

“Oh? A dream? Do tell.”

“I was Sinder going through a facility of some kind. A ‘Branch’ of the main one. I get the feeling that the one I visited in my vision wasn’t the only one out there, huh? Apparently, they existed even before the advent of the Captured Star.”

Frost explained, setting her sights to the pale walls of the megacity afar. Had she lacked the clarity of her vision, then she would have believed those walls to be a tidal wave crashing inland.

They were so large that it was impossible to view the interior of the city of Paradise. The only thing that stood above it were the skeletons of the palace that once served as the shining beacon of Puritas.

The tallest spire rose over hundreds of meters into the skies. It was so large that it may as well be a city in itself. Huge was an understatement from the walls alone, and Frost could only imagine what lay within.

Unfortunately, there were still no signs of an Advent to be seen. The only thing remotely resembling a golden tree were the golden oaks that grew along the other side of the canyon, bearing untouched fruit that was piled high underneath the base.

“… Sinder walked down a similar path as me. They called him Doctor as well. But Sinder spoke like he knew the doctor that people mistook him for. I’m so confused. If he was talking about me, then there’s no way anyone can mistake a nurse for a doctor. Besides… if I was Sinder, then how does it make sense that I was the doctor too.”

Frost tried to unpack her dream, which was undoubtedly another vision of the old world than a delusion born from her exhaustion.

“Not only that, but he said something about being the Head of Human Wholeness. The Arbiter must know something about it. Anna might also have something to share. At this point the more I learn about Sinder, the more I feel both alienated and… connected, but not really in a personal way.”

Frost already declared herself as a separate entity from Sinder. This was why she didn’t consider his memory to be hers even if they technically were.

“That’s a good thing. That means your sense of self is being strengthened.”

“You think so too? Awww. I love you Nav~ Yeah. That’s how it feels now. Deep down it does feel eerie to keep uncovering these memories. Haaaaah.”

“Tired?”

Frost exhaled loudly, dropping down to take a seat as she grabbed a pebble and tossed it out into the river far below.

“Mentally, yes. Just when I thought we were close to getting the whole picture, even more names started popping up. Sinder considered the nameless doctor as a father and a friend. Someone who gave their life to let Sinder live. I… think I’m getting that part right?”

She sighed again, tossing another stone but this time across the chasm. Her throw was like a gunshot. It broke the sound barrier and drilled holes into several golden trees.

“… It’s a small snippet, but it feels like it’s opened a whole new can of worms. You know, I’m still waiting to receive visions of my old life on Earth. At least there I have more tangible worries. Like if anyone’s worried about me, missing me… mourning me. Tch. I’m torn between three different worlds, huh?”

Frost smiled, slapping her leg before rising to her feet with an upbeat hum.

“No point in thinking about it now anyway. We have a Capital City to explore all for ourselves. Let me know if the Arbiter says something. Knowing her, she’ll probably go ‘in due time.’ Or something like that.”

Frost even mocked the Arbiter’s manner of speech, annoyed by her dismissals.

“Cer would be so proud of you if she heard that. Mhm. I will report to you immediately.”

As much as Frost wanted to head back and hug Nav, she had to refrain for there were more important tasks at hand. Finally, the Capital where the legend of the Dozen Winged Bird began was right in front of her.

And there, she hoped to finally uncover something extraordinary.

“Thank you. Alright. Let’s go find out what secrets are hiding in the Capital.”

With that, Frost leapt across the canyon, breaking the cliff face where she just stood as though a meteor had struck it.