Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)

584. The Seed of Potential

Deiman had never seen anyone like her before.

Not to mention the fact that a human of all people was helping them. He didn’t know what to think of it and simply stared at her with a mute expression.

“Why are you trying to do something useless?” He asked unexpectedly.

“Like I said – I just want to.” Frost said, moving towards a small, empty clearing in the manor that once used to be a banquette hall.

“I don’t get it.” He followed her.

“You don’t have to. It’s something I want to do… no, something I have to do. You have instincts, yeah? What I’m feeling right now is something close to that.”

“… an instinct to help?”

“Yep.” Frost nodded cheerily, only further confusing him.

“That doesn’t make sense. What do you get in return?”

“Haaaah. That’s what I hate about this world.” Frost stopped to turn and face him with a hand scrubbing the back of her head.

“Pardon…?”

“Holding expectations for one’s action. When you help someone, you should never expect something in return. It’s one of the things that you do because it’s normal. But why is it that helping someone here is a gateway to gain favor? Frankly, that kind of thing pisses me off.”

The smile she wore turned into a frown. It was hypocritical of her to say this because earlier she used it as a way to get Autumn’s favor. However, it didn’t change that what she asked was small compared to what else she could have gained.

“I see…”

Frost then elaborated further in a long ramble that was more directed to herself.

“Doing that helps me stay true to myself. You saw how I was. Who I can be if left unchecked. I’m not a good person. To you I am, but to a lot of people I’m a walking nightmare. Is it because I want to atone? Do I need to repent? Am I accumulating good deeds because I’ll be judged one day?”

She deeply sighed and folded her arms.

Finally, her smile returned and with it, her golden eyes twinkled like the stars as she looked down at herself in another pool of distorted water.

“No. I’ve always been like this. I’ve always wanted to help people because I constantly want to be a better person.”

“… to be better?”

She could only make out her eyes amongst the countless stars that were reflected in the murky water sky. Her hair created the illusion of a void surrounding her eyes.

“Yeah. You see, rather than focusing on that bad part of me, I tend look to the good and then to a better me in the future. I should say ideally because I also… do look back on the bad. And that sometimes tends to get to me. That’s why your outlook on the future is so important.”

What her face looked like was impossible to tell, but even so, Frost didn’t rely on the mirror of the pool to define who she was.

That was something only she could decide herself.

“… future?” Deiman felt like a curious child seeking wisdom from a parent.

This was how Frost saw it, but to Deiman, he felt like he was speaking to something incomprehensible that presented itself in human flesh.

Unbeknownst to Frost was that her words rang in his head like bells. It was temporary. A brief, fleeting moment. But it was enough for Deiman to cherish the sensation close to his cold heart.

It was like a warm droplet of light had fallen into his dark well.

“It’s hard to get it huh? When all the misery of the past keeps you despairing in the present. You can’t help but think the future will be worse. But if you think about it –”

Frost offered him another sandwich, which he obediently took.

“– Did you ever consider that you’d be saved? That someone would come to lend you a hand? That’s how the future works. It’s unpredictable. Misery can turn to hope in the blink of an eye and vice versa. But we have a profound influence on it. Misery and attachment to the past keeps us from looking ahead. Even when you do, it’s easy to get tunnel vision and forget about the things surrounding you.”

She spoke from experience. Her tunnel vision for a better future cost the lives of countless.

“Still, you can’t help but to think that anything ahead is better than where you are. A little effort and belief can take you a long way.”

Frost didn’t mean to gush like this, let alone in front of an audience of Shells. But still, she felt like these words needed to be said to both her and this person who was the very symbol of stagnation.

A Shell. Someone that can’t go back nor forward anymore.

“Deiman. Can I have a look at your memories?” Frost asked, and the young man complied, allowing her to place Die Agnosis against his bare chest, as well as the Traumatic Clock.

However, no matter how many how many branches appeared or how deeply she tried to look, she could see nothing at all. It was as if his memories had been devoured by something.

All semblance of self was gone, and there was nothing Frost could do to reach out towards it. The spacious void was begging to be filled, and she wondered if there could ever be a chance for his ego – his sense of self – to ever return.

It pained her that even she was powerless to treat them. She had the power to Corrupted and bring people out of their darkest moments. But Shells were different. The darkness was all they knew.

And just when Frost was about to leave his State of Mind…

… she saw something.

It was a small, golden tear drop.

That thing that radiated brightly in the center of his void was a golden droplet of light.

Is it waiting for something?

Frost had seen that thing too. When she spoke to the Vermillion Moons in their prison cell, she found a golden light inside of them. It was not there before but only appeared after she had spoken to them.

Was it something that she caused?

It must be. But what it entailed was not something she or anyone knew.

But she felt like it wasn’t a bad thing.

Otherwise –

“Deiman. I hope you can look fondly towards your future.”

– Such a light wouldn’t be so warm.