Heretical Fishing

Book 3: Chapter 51: Names

“Gods above,” Maria said from beside me, shaking her head and rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Save us.”

I barked a laugh. “Come on—you can’t dread my names that much.”

Maria looked up at the bear. “Sorry in advance.”

As he glanced between us, our newest pal’s brow furrowed.

“She’s just being dramatic,” I said. “All of my animal pals have names, and I’m pretty sure they love them.”

A wave of agreement came from everyone around me, most emphatically from Corporal Claws, who I still had by the scruff of the neck. She nodded and chirped so loud that she almost broke free.

The bear considered it for a long moment, its giant head tilting side to side. I’d thought he was big before, but now he was damned massive. He’d almost doubled in size. If he was any larger, he might not be able to fit between the surrounding trees. I started imagining how fun it would be to ride him into battle, but before I could get too lost in the fantasy, he nodded at me. There was no hesitance in his eyes, only trust.

I smiled, set down the plate of food, and strode forward. “Yes, Claws,” I said, looking down at her before she could chirp the question. “You can say hello now. This is Corporal Claws,” I said, holding her out. The bear nodded, half raising a paw. He paused for a moment, then extended the limb for Claws to shake. Rather than shake it, she grabbed one of his giant talons and inspected it, her eyes alight with excitement as she let out an appreciative coo.

While Claws continued gushing over the daggers attached to the bear’s paw, I introduced everyone.

She chirped, still staring down at his paw.

“Sergeant Snips, my ever-reliable guard crab who shoots arcs of blue energy like an anime protagonist.”

Snips nodded and blew greeting bubbles.

“Brigadier Borks, a hellhound with the abilities to teleport, store stuff like a sapient bag of holding, and go intangible.”

Borks let out a loud bark, transforming into his golden retriever form.

“Oh yeah, he also shapeshifts. Next, we’ve got Cinnamon, our resident karate-enthusiast bunny. She’s small, but she makes up for her size with sheer technique and soft fur.”

Claws let out an indignant chirp, pointing at herself.

“Yes, Claws—you also have soft fur.”

Completely ignoring us, Cinnamon had launched into a shadow-boxing routine, sliding to and fro atop Borks’s back.

“Then we’ve got the two pelicans, Private Pelly and Warrant Officer Williams, AKA Bill. Pelly is Cinnamon’s adopted daughter, and Bill is the one instructing Cinnamon in the martial arts.”

Pelly fluffed her feathers out and honked, while Bill nodded, having stood a little taller when I mentioned his teachings.

“The leviathan before you is Private Pistachio. He is our keen-eyed sniper, with the ability to shoot long range blasts that also have devastating effects up close.”

Pistachio, ever the stoic, gave a simple nod.

“The smallest of us are our insectoid pals. There’s Bumblebro the bumblebee, who I may or may not have awakened by mistake. It was a happy accident, however, because he has proved to be the best of bugs. Queen Bee is, well, a queen bee. Her hive was attacked by some nasty wasps, and Bumblebro came to her rescue. In order to save her life, he fed her some of his special honey, which caused her to awaken. I was completely unaware of all this, so it was a double whoopsie. Still, a happy one.”

They both buzzed, their affection for one another clear in their proximity and body language.

“Then we have their progeny. Again, without my knowledge, they reproduced. Oh, don’t give me that look, you two. I’m glad you did!” I pointed at the cloud of bee hybrids. “These are the Buzzy Boys—most of them, anyway. The rest are off patrolling the surrounding lands, keeping their compound eyes peeled for threats.”

They let out a droning sound, overjoyed to meet their newest pal.

“Last but not least, we have Maria, my girlfriend. I know she’s not much to look at, but—” I dodged a stick thrown at my head. “Kidding! I was kidding!”

“I know,” she replied, smirking. “Just wanted to test your reflexes.”

I turned back toward the bear. “Truthfully, she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Inside and out.” I stole a glance, thoroughly enjoying the blush that came to her cheeks.

“There are a few more beings, but they’re not here right now.” Withdrawing Claws from her inspection of the bear’s paw—and earning a squawked chirp in response—I held out my hand. “It’s truly a pleasure to meet you, mate. I’m beyond glad that you’ve awakened.”

With each person and animal pal I’d introduced, the bear had given a polite nod. This time, he dipped his head so low that his nose almost touched the ground.

“None of that,” I said, grasping his paw and shaking it. “I appreciate the gesture, but we’re equals.”

He lifted his eyes to stare at me, and after only a moment, dipped his head again. I laughed and reached out, ruffling the top of his head. “You’re a polite fella for such a big creature.” His coarse fur was remarkably soft, and as I felt how large his skull was, I got a new appreciation for his size. “Sorry,” I said, suddenly withdrawing my hand. “I probably should have asked if that was all right.”

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

He shook his head and let out a rumbling grunt that told me it was okay.

“Well,” I said. “You’ve met everyone else. I suppose I should introduce you to them...” I turned my head and took everyone in, seeing anticipation covering their faces. “Everyone, meet our newest pal.”

I let a silence stretch. After a few moments, Maria exhaled sharply. “Gods above, Fischer, just tell us and put us out of our miser—”

“Technical Officer Theodore Roosevelt!” I boomed, cutting her off.

Another silence stretched out, rolling over the forest.

“Fischer...” Maria said, pausing to move her mouth inaudibly. “I’m definitely missing something.”

Claws chirped her agreement, her cute little brow furrowing as she tapped her chin.

“What do you mean?” I asked, cocking my head.

“Technical Officer Theodore Roosevelt?” she repeated.

“Yeah?” I fought to hide my smile. “What of it?”

“How does that have anything to do...” She trailed off, and in the next instant, her posture deflated. She gave me a stare flatter than any I’d received before. “Don’t tell me...”

“Yep!” I spread my arms, gesturing at all of my animal pals. “Everyone, this is Technical Officer Theodore Roosevelt.” I wiggled my eyebrows at Maria. “Teddy for short.”

My spirit beast friends roared their approval, their myriad sounds combining into a cacophony.

In spite of her annoyance at me and my naming habits, Maria stepped forward and leaned down so she was eye-to-eye with Teddy. “It’s lovely to meet you, Teddy. Welcome. I’m sure we’ll become the best of friends in no time at all.”

I leaned in too. “Is it okay if I give you a good scratching?” I asked, unable to hold myself back any longer.

He gave me an odd look but nodded, and I reached out to scratch behind his ear. In retrospect, I should have seen the betrayal coming.

A deviant flew past me, beating me to the punch. Corporal Claws appeared on his neck, reaching up with both paws to dig in behind one of Teddy’s ears and give him one heck of a scritching. His response was immediate. He tried to lean his entire body into it, his eyes rolling up involuntarily. Seeing weakness, I reached a hand behind his other ear and joined in, as did Maria, slinging one arm over his neck so she could get both sides of his soft jowls.

Appearing almost drunk, Teddy swayed back and forth, not knowing which way to lean as his eyes closed in bliss.

After a good scratch, I withdrew, taking a few steps back to give him some space.

“Okay, gang,” I said. “I reckon it’s time we get to the reason we rushed Teddy’s ascension.”

He gave me a growl that would have scared the strongest of humans, but I understood its meaning. He was curious.

“We prepared a meal for you, mate. Maria, Snips, Claws, and I made it together, but it was way more effective than any of us could have anticipated.” I picked up the plate again and held it out. “Have a look at this—see if you can read the description.”

His eyes immediately went distant, his brows slowly rising high. When he shook his head to dismiss the words, his eyes were wide.

“Right?” I asked. “I thought we shouldn’t offer you this until you were awakened.”

As Teddy peered around at all of us, I could practically see the thoughts racing through his mind. And because of how attuned I was to chi, I could feel his changing emotions. Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t immediately thrilled with the idea. His consciousness had just been slammed with an indescribable amount of data, all of which expanded his inherent intelligence and wisdom. Based on the way his core shifted, Teddy well knew the implications of an unmeasured boost to something as ambiguous as ‘loyalty’.

“What am I doing...” I whispered, shaking my head and withdrawing my awareness.

“What’s wrong?” Maria asked, leaning in toward me.

I chanced a glance Teddy’s way, but he was too preoccupied to listen to our conversation. “I was scanning his chi by accident,” I replied, grabbing her hand. “We just need to wait for Teddy’s decision.”

Abruptly, he let out a great sigh, dipping his head.

I did my best to hide my disappointment, putting on a smile. “It’s okay, mate. It was a lot to ask of you. Too much, really, when you’ve only just met us.”

When his gaze met mine, there was a hint of confusion on his face, his eyes displaying countless sentiments. He took a deep breath, gestured toward the plate, and nodded.

Hope reignited in the pit of my stomach. “You... you want to eat it?”

He was completely still for a long moment. Then, with a single measured movement, he nodded again.

I couldn’t hide my excitement as I dashed for the plate, wanting to release my shield around it before Teddy could change his mind. The second I withdrew my essence and exposed the feast to fresh air, its aromas exploded outward. Absent one second and all-encompassing the next, it slammed into me, strong enough to make my mouth water.

My reaction was potent, but it was nothing compared to Teddy’s.

The bear, who had come across as the pinnacle of well-mannered so far, lumbered forward. His steps were shuddering, as if his desire to be polite warred with an insatiable need to taste the meal. His eyes turned predatory as he drew closer, like the plate of honeyed fish was cornered prey. When he opened his great mouth, his fangs glistened in the afternoon sun, wet with saliva. Seeing those features, there was no doubt about how deadly a creature he was. His canines were built for tearing through flesh, his molars designed to crunch through bone.

Completely undeterred, Claws zipped forward, her mouth agape and eyes twinkling as she inspected his pearly whites.

Mere centimeters from the food, he blinked, seeming to return to himself as he noticed Claws. With his lips drawn back and teeth exposed, his gaze drifted from Claws to everyone else. He slowly closed his mouth, hiding his finger-length canines. In a glacial movement, he sat back on his haunches, cleared his throat with a rumbling growl, and adopted a passive look. He extended a giant paw toward the plate of food and nodded differentially for us to go ahead, as if he hadn’t just been about to ravage it.

The contrast between descending predator and well-mannered gentlebear was all too much for me. A laugh flew free of my throat, making shame appear on Teddy’s face. “Mate, please,” I said, gesturing at the plate. “Help yourself.”

He shook his head softly, averting his eyes and again pointing for us to go first.

“Okay,” I said. “Everyone grab a piece, then. Quick.”

It was done in the blink of an eye, the meat-eaters retrieving a chunk of fish, and Cinnamon and the bees collecting some of the honey from the plate. Only Teddy hadn’t immediately gone along with it. I rectified his lack of fish by grabbing an extra filet, smothering it in honey, and holding it out to him.

“At the same time?” I suggested, grinning.

Staring at the food and licking his lips, he extended a paw. I placed the fish there, and without further ado, held up my own. “To friendship,” I said, raising it high.

The answering calls from Maria and all of my animal pals made my heart swell. Seeing that Teddy was just staring down at his portion, I lifted his paw toward his mouth, just as I lifted my food to mine.

Before I could bite down into the morsel, power swelled in the ground beneath us, encompassing a vast swathe of grass. It grew stronger as something approached, winding up from below at incredible speed.

“Uh oh,” I said, just in time for the forest floor to explode.