Daomu Biji: Restart

Book 1: Chapter 199

Fatty looked at the distance, looked at his stomach, and then looked at me very seriously, "Mr. Nave, we have to take it seriously this time. If I fall, do you still need to blow up this bell? I'll settle this all by myself. Not only will the thing below become obedient, but I'll have two children with it and make them call you Uncle' when you come to see me next year."

This had gotten so ridiculous that I didnt even want to talk anymore. I told him that it was the same if I fell down because Id probably give birth to four fucking babies.

Poker-Face lowered his hand and looked at us helplessly while Black Glasses smiled and scolded us, "Dont mind us, you two just keep messing around. Mute, let's go back up and crack some melon seeds first (1). Wu Xie, if you couldnt do it, you shouldve said so earlier. Were going back."

I looked at the distance and then looked at Fatty before cursing in my heart. I slapped myself twice and said, "Come on. You better fucking throw accurately."

Fatty laughed mischievously and told me that it would be fine. The water below was deep enough and he had jumped from this height at the swimming pool every day. When he said that, he told me to stick my butt out, grabbed the back of my waistband with one hand, and pulled my collar with the other. I told him to let me take a deep breath first, but before I finished speaking, Fatty shouted, Lets go!

As my whole body was lifted up and tossed directly into the air, I heard the sound of my belt breaking. I clenched my teeth and stretched my hand out. Poker-Face grabbed me and I hit the bell directly with a loud noise.

At that time, my whole body was shaking and I felt as if my brain and the bell had resonated completely.

Poker-Face was holding onto my wrist so tightly that I felt as if my hand was going to die.

It took me a second or two to come to my senses, and when I did, I found that my lower body felt chilly. I looked down and saw that my belt was broken and my pants had fallen to my thighs. I immediately went to pull them up with my other hand, but Fatty shouted, "Don't worry about it! Its not like everyone here doesnt have it! Hurry up!"

I clamped my pants between my thighs to prevent them from falling any further. At this time, my body was hanging just below the bell and I could see inside of it when I looked up. I pointed my flashlight up and saw that there was a huge earthen clump wrapped in satin strips inside the bell. The strips were woven with gold silk and had spells on them, just like the ones outside.

There were some raised patterns on the inner walls of the bell that were the reverse of the patterns on the outside. I grabbed them with my hands and found that they were quite sturdy. I held my flashlight in my mouth and told Poker-Face to let go. I hung on with one hand and grabbed them with my other hand, which caused my pants to fall to my ankles.

I was cursing in my heart as I heard Fatty laughing. When we get back, Im mixing dog shit in with those yellow mud snails you like to eat. Ill make sure you eat your fill.

I climbed into the bell and found that the earthen clump was only about a person away from the bells inner walls. I climbed to a position where I could place my feet, my whole body inside the bell now. I looked at the clump and then yanked off a strip of that gold silk satin and laced it through my belt loops bit by bit.

I was holding my pants up with one hand and sweating all over as I took my flashlight out of my mouth and went to check out the earthen clump. It felt like brown sugar, which made me wonder if there was a cup of coffee below. As I examined it, I found that there were many shell-like fragments in the mud.

"What's inside? Is it a big, gorgeous thousand-year-old zongzi with two fillings (2)? Fatty asked.

I cursed, "If you want to see for yourself, jump over here. There are lots of treasures inside. You can consider giving them to your lover below."

Fattys scolding voice came from outside the bell, You're the one with a lover who eats children.

I examined the earthen clump. Under my flashlights glow, it looked compact and had an oppressive air about it. I subconsciously held my breath. No matter what was inside, I wasnt going to give it any of my yang energy (3).

I climbed all the way to the top of the bell and saw the copper chains rivets. Sure enough, it was a slipknot. As long as it was untied, the bell would fall, but I certainly wouldnt have enough time to get out. I had to think of another way.

I looked around and saw that the dirt clump was supported by some copper poles, which penetrated into the clump and were fixed to the sides of the bell. I looked at my flashlight. It was very sturdy and could even be used to beat the shit out of people. I lifted it up and hit it against one of the copper poles. There was a loud clang, the copper pole broke, and a crack appeared in the earthen clump, releasing a foul odor.

****

TN Notes:

(1) Cracking melon seeds is the equivalent of getting popcorn ready. Basically, theyre ready to watch a show lol.

(2) I think this is a pun. Zongzi is slang for zombie. Its also a traditional Chinese rice dish made of glutinous rice stuffed with different fillings and wrapped in bamboo leaves. In the West, theyre called rice dumplings. If its not a pun on food, then it might be a pun about porn or prostitutes. I got some uhinteresting google results lol

(3) Yang energy is apparently masculine because its very active and energetic. I think it can help turn corpses into zombies or something.

****

The image of Wu Xie smacking into the bell that popped into my head lol:

I'm also convinced the man doesn't wear underwear. How has he lived this long? lol